My Mind

 Last night I dream about him, we were at our highschool and he suddenly wanted to be with me, I just felt... wanted to cry and said no ! During Form 2, I like you until Form 6 and I told you but you ignored it  so no way it gonna be easy as that ! And I left to cry, he's followed me to see me from far away crying alone (I think I watch too many kdrama)  I didn't remember the details after that but I think he soften my heart but I woke up so yeah, I remember how my heart felt blooming everytime I dream about him.  I don't know whether I just haven't seen anyone like him during my life or my mind just don't wanna let it go. I don't even stalk his ig or anything related to him anymore for these years. But there he is, sometimes comes in my mind on unexpected times. I was happy in the dream and I hate that. But yesterday was his birthday and I wish him but didn't even feel anything, I think. I also think he has a girlfriend now and his friends are all getting m...

 Everything seems different when we reach adulthood... We need to think about paying debts, what career to pursue, thinking about all sorts of things... My schoolmates also seem different than we used to be, some seems independent and have their own lifes, while some are still stuck at the same place but forwarding in their own way... I really missed back when we do not have anything to think except for study.. I miss my school and university friends, our memories..  Now I have to think about p • settling PTPTN debts at 26/27 • plans on gaining experience and skills to work at management for two years • having an ideal body at 25/healthier lifestyle • pursue career on management teams at HQ on 27 • travelling at least once a year I hope I will be able to achieve all of this ! Aamiin .

 To be honest, I usually settle for less...  but then I learn, to find someone who's worth it.. someone who know your minds, your hardship and share the same views with you, someone who willing to learn about each other everyday..                      I wanted to fall in love hard too... Instead of taking easily just what is in front of you, just like the mans around my friend did.. Just because some woman friends are available to you and easily, you should not do that to them.. I think that you need to know their worth instead of thinking just there will be someone who will take care of you and prepare for your needs. Womans are easily and vulnerable to love, some might think they could escape from their problems with marriage, some might have their problems with their family, but wishing that they could love themselves more. That's one thing that I wish more womans will d...

So after months of break up....  I thought to myself that I think I might miss him or feel stupid to broke this relationship. But then.. yeah I suddenly felt free and have my own sleeping beauty night !  Currently, I love my single life and trying to be healthier.  So what I'm trying to say is that if you feel you might make a bad decision, just make sure to bear with it and take every positive things from it. Dont be afraid of "if I does not take this opportunity to have a man, I might not have a man forever". Love yourself and know yourself more. Be committed to someone who know your worth and value so that you can have someone to carry the responsibility together.  I have seen people assume that woman needs to be responsibility for their home, but end up forgetting that man have their share of responsibility too. I wanted to find someone who knows my worth, listen to me and understand my situation...      I dont know... for now, I wanted t...

 Little did I know... that views, times differences will affect us. So as I was adapting to new places with new peoples, I was quite happy and then came the assignments deadline and so on.. I dont quite remember how we was but at first two years of my degrees we are okay although I usually scold him as he always calls late at night where I was doing my assignment or sleeping after nights of assignment. Yeah, I was harsh but I did tell him about my situation and he was like "understand" but then he did it again. urghh.. on the second years, I did soften my heart as he always said "sorry" and I was okay la. We did meet when I was on semester break but I discover something was off in our relationship. I guess our mind are too simple when we started the relationship. I think I communicate well with him but he didnt listen and the leadership was always more on me. Being me, I was the one who always independent as I learned all my life about surviving alone. I was the eld...

What the hell is love supposed to feel like?    Mad at Disney-Salem Ilese I have been through my first relationship with someone who like me. To be honest, I was not the kind of girl that people's after as I was not slim and pretty (but I think I cute though :P yeah whatever).. okay back to the relationship.. He was nice and kind of cute, as he was kind of shy between girls (the typical nice boys in my country). So it begins when I was working diligently back then after my Form 6 ends, at that I was in love with my job as sales assistant in retail company. I knew him just like a friend and I approached him as a girl who say hello to everyone that I know. And my supervisor who push him to me and was like "he like you". Back then I was like.... I dont know, excited but like what? and after several messages, he said he like me.  I remember back then, I ask my bff on what to responds and she was like "just try it, since I have never been in relationship, if its good then...

  Haluu people !! Same old same old, been a long time since I updated this too :P So, I already in my 20's (getting to 25 just another years). I have done my degree and practical and just waiting for convocation few months.. currently entering adulthood... hmm ...i dont even know if i was ready yet ... ?  It just.. with this pandemic Covid-19, I guess people around my age are getting married(it saves cost and procedures too). I actually never saw myself as the person who can get married cause I was quite busy searching for myself and things I wanted to achieves.  I'm happy cause they find their other half and its good to get married at early age to as early age makes people adapt to each other sooner. Sometimes I wonder how they could get married easily and committed to their spouse easily. I guess in my culture, it just the discrimination towards woman are there and the facts that woman have to bear anything is kind of ... i dont know, it scares me.  But then I thin...